I love you. Easy enough to say, right? In my family, that's not exactly how we say it. It has taken me years to figure this out.
I dated a guy in college whose family never left each other without saying, "I love you." Ever. I'm talking a trip down the road to the local gas station required that you tell everyone in the room. This was not only foreign to me but it still seems just a little extreme. (In his defense, it started when his little sister was diagnosed with epilepsy as a toddler - they just never knew if they would see her again so to be sure she knew, they said it every time they left).
We say it to our kids every day, always more than once, and especially when we're leaving. Because of this, they say it to everyone when they leave. I mean E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E - family, friends, the little boy they met in line at KFC (true story). It's always the same, "Bye! Wuv Ya! *kiss*" It's hilarious when they kiss the phone! LOL!
But my immediate family - parents, brothers, sister - not so much. We're just not touchy-feely like that. And I'm OK with it. Why? Because we say it with different words! Every.single.time someone leaves we say, "Be careful!" Every time. No "I love you"s, but the meaning is exactly the same. For years I never put two and two together, but now I get it. Even my big (I'm talkin' 6'5" - not older), tough brothers do it. This was a huge epiphany for me - not because I didn't feel loved but because I just didn't hear it...or so I thought. So now I tell my kids before they leave to go somewhere - 'Bye! Wuv ya! Be Careful! - {sigh} The best of both worlds!
With Four Children, The Days Are Long but The Years Are Short!
3 comments:
I end every phone call with my parents by saying 'Love you' . . . which is a little wierd considering I talk to my mom upwards of 1/2 dozen times a day. Hubby is not big on saying 'I love you' AT ALL, so I usually bid him farewell by telling him to 'Drive careful' - which Cooper now says each and every time he leaves.
Yeah, my family almost never said I love you, but I had to learn how to do it for him (tho I feel kind of silly at how common it's become- like it cheapens it), and it's easy to say to the kids esp when they are little. But my MIL was hurt for years because she was always saying it to me and I'd kind of mumble back, until finally dh pointed out to her that I don't say it to my OWN parents, so she shouldn't feel slighted. I think it still bugs her anyway.
This is funny. I don't recall ever telling my parents or family "I love you" when I was a little kid. My mom always said "Be careful!" which then after we started driving became "Be DAMNED DAMNED careful!"
I grew up with a boy who always kissed his mom and said "Love ya!" when he left home. We made fun of him to no end. AND? He didn't stop. He also wasn't a mama's boy. He ended up being quite a bruiser and trouble maker later in school. But he always loved his mama!
NOW? I tell my kids I love them at least a zillion times a day. And I MEAN it with every fiber of my being every time I say it. I say it to my husband before ending any phone conversation and even my brother and I say "love you" before hanging up. I'm not sure why, but it just works for us. I hope my son says "Love ya!" before he leaves home when he's 16. And if not, then I'll take what I can get when he's 2.
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