Friendship. You can tell a lot about a person based on the company they keep. In grade school your best friend was someone who wore glasses just like you. Or maybe the girl you sat next to in class. In junior high you start to redefine yourself a bit and maybe change “crowds”, trying to find the clique that’s right for you. In high school you’re pretty much defined by the person you made yourself into – the jock, the nerd, the brain, the cool kid.
They say there are friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for life. I used to believe that true friends were friends for life. And I’ve been lucky enough to experience this type of friendship more than once. My nearest and dearest friend has been my friend for close to 30 (!) years. I have a friend from college who has been my friend since the day we met over 15 years ago.
And then there are those who you think will be there forever…and they just aren’t. Some people never grow up. Some people can’t accept that you’ve changed. Some people just grow into someone you don’t particularly like any more. I’ve had some of these friends as well. I suppose they would fall into the category of “seasonal” friends. They were there during some of the times when I truly needed them – but looking back it was a little bit one-sided. And the friendship never matured. These are the women who STILL think that in order to be a friend you MUST talk on the phone every day and if they say, “Jump!” you’re supposed to reply, “How high?” I quit asking, “How high?” a looooong time ago. I jump to my own tune these days (to mix clichés) and I couldn’t be happier.
I hope that my children learn from this. That they learn to both recognize a true friend when they see one by looking at how my (true) friends treat me and also to be a true friend by seeing the way I treat them.
With Four Children, The Days Are Long but The Years Are Short!
2 comments:
That was lovely! I am continually amazed at how the friendships I thought I would have forever are no longer there, and that the frindships that I thought would never last, have - and are stronger than I ever thought possible.
I blogged a little bit about this last summer:
http://fishsticksandfireflies.blogspot.com/2008/07/thought-for-thursday-reason-season.html
I have none of the friends I had while I was growing up. I was positive my VERY BEST FRIEND all through school would be my friend forever, but she turned sour. College friends were fun for a while, and we tried a few years ago to rekindle things, but all they could talk about was college and how many football players they *ahem * dated. That isn't where I am in life and I needed to let them go.
Even some of the friends I've had for 15 or more years aren't on the same page anymore and don't understand me because they've chosen to not have children and don't understand how it changes a person to become a mom.
I had to "break up" with a woman whom I adored, because when Wynnie was 2 the woman thought she was funny by belittling me, calling me horrible names, etc. She did all this at my daughter's 2nd birthday party and I had to call it quits. My point was that my daughter needed to see me stand up for what was right and not allow people to treat me badly.
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