Jared's Got Nuthin' On Me

Have you seen the Subway commercials where people break things due to their size?  Occasionally with a button flying off of their pants?  I used to laugh out loud (literally) every time I saw one.  Here, take a look:



Well, this this week they could have saved themselves some trouble and just had a camera following me around.  People, in 6 days I had the button fly off of three (3!) different pairs of capris!!  I should mention that I haven't gained a single pound and I've worn these pants many, many times.  Two of them are the same brand, so maybe I could blame it on that but come on!  Cut me a break!  I was really starting to get a complex before the third episode (which, of course, happened while I was trying on dresses for a wedding I'm attending with my husband next weekend).  Add to that a very healthy dose of crazy, PMS hormones and I was a wardrobe accident waiting to happen!!  I currently have 2 dresses hanging upstairs waiting for Mr. MOTH's opinion.  Frankly, dude is scared to tell me what he thinks.  I don't blame him.  I'm *this close* to signing up for boot camp or maybe a half marathon!  Something's gotta give...and I just hope it's not another button!!  I can't even sew!!*

*Mom, can you sew three buttons on for me this weekend?

Resolutions

New Year's is supposed to be a time for resolutions. In the past, I've made my share and this year is no different. Except, this year I'll be more than shocked if I can keep them. Usually, there's at least a glimmer of hope but this year is starting out with my mood somewhere in the vicinity of the toilet. I'm not sure why. And I don't like it one bit.

Just like everyone else on the planet, one of my resolutions revolves around "getting in shape". However, this year I'm going for broke. I AM GOING TO RUN A 5K. What? Stop laughing!! That's the ONLY resolution that I know for sure is going to be - barring serious injury or illness, of course (**knocks on wood furiously**). I started running sometime in November and then the holidays happened. I should note a couple of things here: 1) I don't run unless something big AND scary is chasing me. Big? Fine, I'll walk a bit faster. Scary? Maybe a light jog. But only big AND scary makes me run, which means I have no idea what got into my shorts to make me even want to try. Probably it's the fact that I'm going to turn 4-0...eventually. and 2) I don't exercise during the holidays. I take a week off at Thanksgiving and some time off at Christmas. This year, my Christmas break revolved around some inflamed cartilage under my breastbone that hurt like a son-of-a-gun when I moved my right arm. Ever try to run without moving your right arm? Exactly.

My big "goal" is Halloween. The boys' school just started their Great Pumpkin Race this past year and it was a huge (fund-raising) success. Oldest Boy's best bud's mom (didja get that?) helps to coordinate it. And she's also an Ironman Triathlete - which means I might feel (vastly) inferior in the athletics department, but I'm also going to tap her as a resource for my new resolution. I have a lot of questions but mainly I want to know if I can train exclusively on a treadmill for this type of run. Anybody know?

Mr. MOTH even got on board when he bought me a sports doo-hickey (yes, that's the technical term) for my iPhone so that I can listen to tunes while I run. OK, this may have been inspired by the fact that I knocked my iPhone off of the treadmill more than once while running and it was hanging precariously by my ears, but I'm going with "encouraging" instead. However, the doo-hickey he bought was for an iPhone 3 and we have a "4" so I have to wait until the back-ordered version gets here sometime in February. (Anybody have a "3" that would use this? Because he can't return it...). Yesterday, I used his iTouch for my run...

Which brings me to my only other resolution that I hope to keep: Learn something new every day and blog about it. What did I learn yesterday? Turn off the "shake to shuffle" feature before running while listening to an iPod. I would just start to sing along (in my head, of course) and the song would change. And again. And again. I had 45 minutes of music loaded and I think I went through the whole line-up in 25! Lesson learned.

Moms vs Dads Part II: The Workout

I started this "series" with Part I: The Haircut. I will be getting a cut AND color on Saturday. Lord have mercy.

Now for the workout. When Mr. MOTH decided roughly around the beginning of summer that he wanted to "get in better shape" (He will never use the term "lose weight" because "it doesn't matter what you weigh it's how you look". Blah, blah, blah), he told me he was planning to run on the treadmill 5-6 times a week. Guess what? He ran on the treadmill 6 times a week for approximately 3 months straight. And he looks great. Really great. He also changed his eating habits, but that's another post for this series...

Obviously, after having 4 kids in just over 6 years, I, too needed to "get in better shape". Only I call it "LOSE WEIGHT". But either way, I was much more determined this time around because I knew that I wasn't going to be gaining pregnancy weight again. I wanted to do cardio 2-3 times a week and strength train at least twice a week. I started with an aerobics video. In order to do this, the baby had to be asleep. The boys had to be otherwise occupied because it was summer vacation and Baby Girl would usually "do you exercise" with me. And if I was only 10 minutes into a mere 25 minute routine when the Little One woke up? I had to stop and get her.

I eventually upgraded to the treadmill (mainly because I can only take so much of Kathy Smith) but that required having Little One in the bouncy seat. Or sleeping. But what to do with Baby Girl? She can't be near the treadmill. I watch too much Oprah and I've seen what happens when a little kid gets too close to a treadmill. That meant she had to be napping, too. Only she decided sometime during the course of the summer that naps? Are not for her. {SIGH} This meant I had to wait until the basement had carpeting in it so that I could bring her down with me (where the treadmill is) and not have her be able to go behind it without my knowing. So far, my best intentions of "getting in shape" were foiled at every turn. But I was determined.

For my strength training, I use resistance bands (we have Bodylastics - TO Super Strongman Edition - SHUT UP). This is so far, my all-time favorite for strength-training. The entire "gym" fits into a little bag. The work-out is simple and each exercise requires more than one muscle group AND you have to have a strong "core". I got fantastic results with it. BUT, the bands are colorful. And each kid has a favorite color. And a band that corresponds to it. So for me to do this routine, I have to convince whoever has the band that I need to let me "borrow" it until that set is done. A routine that takes me approximately 30 minutes WITHOUT kids lasts roughly 50 WITH. I have to chase them around. Or stop so they can finish "fishing" with their band (incidentally, we don't ever actually GO fishing, so I don't know why they use things like these bands and toilet paper in public restrooms to pretend they are...). It's ridiculous. But again, I was determined.

The good news is that I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight. The bad news is that Christmas (and the extra 5-10 pounds that go with it) is just around the corner...

Motivation

Last summer - sometime in July and I feel really, really bad that I can't remember the exact date - we attended the wedding of our nephew and his bride. It was a lovely wedding and it was an experience for the kids - it was out of town and they got to stay in a hotel! With a phone in the bathroom, mommy! But I digress...

For the wedding I searched high and low for a dress that was appropriate (read: didn't make me look fat). I finally found a yellow one (my favorite color) and was pleased with the purchase - mainly because it was on sale. However, I was more pleased with Oldest Boy's reaction to it. He told me no less than 10 times how beautiful I looked in it. And he mentions it any time we have to get dressed up. And sometimes when we don't.

That, my friends, is my motivation. That's the reason I push myself to go just a little faster on the treadmill. Or to lift just a little more weight during a workout. I want to wear that dress for our Little One's baptism - on July 5th! Yes, I know she'll only be 7 weeks old. And that means it has only been 7 weeks since I was 9 months pregnant, but guess what? I tried the dress on. And guess what else? It fits! Granted, the reason it fits is probably because my larger-than-normal boobs counteract the extra junk in my trunk, but still. I'm wearing it. And nothing on God's green earth is going to stop me!

Also? I may or may not have just had 5 inches trimmed from my hair. I wouldn't call it a "mommy" cut...but it's close!

SAHM's Guide to Diet and Exercise

By absolutely no means am I an expert on either diet or exercise. As a matter of fact, from my perspective, BOTH words are 4-letter ones. However, as I have successfully managed to lose the massive amounts of weight I have gained during each pregnancy (only to get pregnant again, but that's a post for another day...) I feel the need to share what I've learned over the years with others who have (most likely) put "lose weight" or "get in shape" on their New Year's Resolutions.

Don't Diet. This may seem contradictory to what you think a post about diet and exercise would be, but it's the truth. Find some kind of plan that works for you, but unless you need to lose more than 100 pounds quickly, a diet is just a joke. You need to find some way to eat healthy for the rest of your life, not just until you lose those pounds. Try something new each week. For example, something that's very easy and has a big impact on hunger is drinking significant amounts of water. This is a fantastic first step because everyone has access to drinking water. Find a pretty glass and KEEP IT FILLED! Every time you're hungry have a big glass first and then eat. From there you can try a new trick the next week (add two extra servings of fruits and veggies; eliminate one of your favorite junk foods; etc. etc.). I promise it will make a difference.

Expect to Cheat. A lot of people start some kind of new program with the intention of never again eating a bite of junk food or chocolate. WTF? NO ONE can do that forever. It's just not feasible. And in my experience, those who manage to do so for a good length of time eventually crash and burn and put on even MORE weight. Sucks, huh? So, figure out how much you can "allow" yourself to have and then go for it with gusto and no guilt. I like to have a Hershey's Kiss (or 3) with my meals. You get the fix without a lot of calories.

Read labels. This is important because you wouldn't believe the amount of calories/fat/sugar are in things that people think are healthy. But be reasonable. Mr. MOTH drives me crazy with this because he wants to eat healthy and somehow eliminate all things that aren't. My goal is to minimize the bad, but eliminate it? What fun is that? An example of his insanity is that he won't eat a lot of fruit because a friend once told him it's Nature's candy (meaning it contains a lot of sugar). True, but it also tastes good, can satisfy a sweet tooth, and contains the all-important vit-a-mins that are missing in actual candy. See? Be reasonable.

Now for exercise:

Dress comfortably. Don't run out and buy some brand new designer duds like you're going to be the aerobics instructor. If you're a SAHM, chances are you aren't in the market for someone to be checking you out in your fancy clothes anyhow. Find something comfy, and then (and this is important) wear it the WHOLE time you're home. That way, when the spirit moves you, you can jump up and do something to get energized.

Start simple. I wouldn't waste my money on a fancy gym membership. Buy a decent pair of shoes and start walking. Buy some resistance bands (my personal favorite) or a ball and do some strength training. Both elements (cardio and strength training) are necessary to be healthy and keep fit. If you feel you can only do one at a time, I would start with cardio because you'll develop muscles anyhow and then you can slowly add in the other. Muscle burns more calories than fat (at rest), which means if you're more muscular you get to eat more. WOOHOO!

Do what you can, when you can. This has been my motto for years now. This means that if you've only got 5 minutes left on the babies nap or before you have to go pick up the kids or whatever, use it wisely. Do 10 push-ups. Run around the living room. Whatever. But if you do something for 5 minutes? It's better than zero minutes. The important thing is to always do something. My grandmother is 88 years old and although she's never actually said that this is her motto, she lives it every day: Why lay down when you can sit; why sit when you can stand; why stand when you can walk; and why walk when you can run?

Know yourself. What I mean by this is don't make some kind of resolution that's contrary to yourself or your lifestyle. If you're not a morning person, don't resolve to get up a half hour earlier to exercise. Ain't gonna happen. Find your most energetic time and stick it into that time slot. Be realistic. If you hate running, don't pick this as your method to get in shape. Duh!

And finally, have fun! Really, it may take a few different tries before you find something that you consider "fun" and is still beneficial to your fitness, but you will. Trial and error! Try it all if you have to, but eventually you'll find something. And then? JUST DO IT!