When you marry someone, unless that person is an orphan with no siblings, you don't marry just that person. You also marry his entire family. Your children share blood with their children. Some of the same quirks you see in your kids were inherited from them. It's a tie that can't be broken.
I started dating Mr. MOTH in January of 1999. By August, when his housing situation changed drastically (he sold both the house that he owned and his parents' old home where he was living while renovating - within a two week span!) I knew that the apartment I was helping him choose would be where we would be living together very soon. I was completely in love with him and the feeling was mutual.
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By December of '99 I had met nearly all of his family (not his brother, yet) but, with the exception of his mom and youngest sister, I didn't really know them very well.
My husband had an aunt who was born with Down's Syndrome (Jean) and by this time she was living in a care facility not too far from where he lived. During that holiday season, we made plans to visit her along with his mom and three of his sisters*. To put it mildly, I was nervous. I haven't had much exposure to mentally challenged individuals and I didn't know what to expect. We arrived shortly after lunchtime and the nurses went to get her from her room to bring her into the living area. She was probably around 50 years old at the time (which, if you know anything about Down's Syndrome is amazing. The life expectancy is around 35?). She looked and acted pretty much as I expected. The unexpected part came from the other women in my husband's life. I have never seen such pure love, devotion, and unadulterated attention from anyone in my life. They were all immediately surrounding her wheelchair, kneeling down, stroking her hair and her skin like you would a small child, speaking in soothing tones and asking her questions. I hung back with Mr. MOTH, not quite sure what to do, but completely impressed and moved by what I was seeing.
That was the day I fell in love with his family.
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All 4 of my sisters-in-law are coming to our house on Saturday. When I start to stress or freak out or anticipate the drama that inevitably comes when you have that many women together, I pull that image from the back of my mind. They're family. OUR family. I'm looking forward to seeing them and having my children reconnect with their family.
*If you know his family, his oldest sister "D" was not there. Just sayin'.
With Four Children, The Days Are Long but The Years Are Short!
3 comments:
You are so very lucky to have THAT kind of family! Because the alternative is not at all impressive.
@Hyphen Mama - they're not perfect. I wrote this post more as a reminder to myself that they are truly very good people - who sometimes drive each other (and ME) nuts!
I have to decide whether to speak my mind or keep my mouth shut. This will remind me that when I DO speak my mind (because I can't ever keep my mouth shut) that I need to do it with the same kindness and love that they show (or DON'T show, depending on the person;)
Mommy I had a great uncle with Down Syndrom, and he lived into his 60s! I still have the some of the trivet/potholders he made (I think everyone within 2nd cousin range has a dozen each) and I use them almost every day. He taught me a lot about life, but mainly that EVERY life has infinite value.
I know that wasn't exactly the point you were making in your post, but I think that handicapped relatives bring out the best (or worst) in people. Something else I learned from Uncle Bob :o)
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